Monday, August 11, 2008

Day two hundred and twenty-two ... In the weeds.

"Hey, Hubcap."

"Yeah, what?"

"Look ... up at the window. Who's that ... on the couch?"

"I don't know. Maybe it's Lynda's son."

"No. That's not her son. She doesn't have a son. Cats, yes. But a son ... no. It must be Judy's son. 


"Yeah, dummy... Judy. You remember Judy. She used to plant those flowers you liked.

"Oh yeah. I forgot all about that. I wonder why she stopped?"

"Because she died."

"Oh, Herschel. I'm so sorry."

"Sorry? What are you sorry about. And anyway ... you're a turtle."

"I ... I ... I don't know ... I guess it's just a habit."

"Well, anyway. Where do you think Lynda is?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen her since she gave us that watermelon."

"Mmmmm ... that was gooooood melon."

"I'll say."

"You'll say?"

"Yeah ... I'll say."

"Well you didn't. Quit copying me."

"Oh ... sorry, Shel. Um ... maybe she's on va-ca-tion?"

"Nah ... her car's here."

"Well ... maybe she's on a cruise."

"A cruise? How do you know about cruises?"

"From that newspaper that was stuck on that rock near the dam."

"From the newspa ... Jesus Christ, you are a piece of work."

"I thought you said I was a turtle."

"Oh-my-god. I'm gonna kick your ..."



"Did you see that?"


"He just got up and off the couch."

"Oh no ... not up and off the couch ... are you gonna call 911. Help! Police! He just got up and off the couch!"

"Why are you so mean?"

"Why are you so sensitive?"

"I just am, alright. Leave me alone."

"Okay. I'm outta' here. See you in the pond."

"Now ... wait ... you don't have to leave."

"Oh ... I don't have to leave, do I. But I thought you just said ..."

"I know what I said ... I'm sorry."



"Where did he go?"

"I don't know. I thought you were watching him."

"Well, I thought you were watching him."

"I was."

"Nice job, Hubcap."

"Thanks, Herschel."

"I oughta ... "

"You know, it's kind of weird. I mean, what are the odds that we'd find a pond with a lady who feeds us? She even talks to us. Nobody's ever talked to us before. Nobody's ever fed us before. Most of the time I feel like we're invisible. And somehow we end up here with somebody like Lynda who'll come along and treat us like we're special. She doesn't expect anything. She certainly won't try to catch us. She just does it because we're here. She does it because we don't ask her for attention, or food, or nothin.' Meanwhile, all around her, people want a favor or a handout or something ... anything."

"Are you through?"


"Oh, god."

"I think we are the two luckiest turtles in the world. And you don't even have room enough in your wrinkled little head to appreciate it. You just sit there and snarl at the grass. We could be in a tank. We could be under observation. We could be filling in tire treads. But we're not. We're here in this beautiful yard without a care in the world, and somehow, we ended up finding a nice lady who thinks about us as much as she thinks about her cats. Do you realize how lucky we are?"

"I realize that I don't see her, and I haven't seen her for a couple of days."

"Well ... she's bound to come back soon."

"I hope you're right. Hey ... what's Judy's kid doing now."

"I think he's on his computer."

"What's a com-puter?"

"It's like a box that lets you do stuff."

"Do stuff. What kind of stuff?"

"You know ... write stories, or check the news, or watch movies."

"Well I'll be. How many sections of that newspaper did you read?"

"One more than you."

"Oh! ... that hurts, Hub."

"I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for? That was kind of funny ... shows some moxie."

"I'm just a little freaked out, alright. Jeez. Hey ... you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"

"I don't know, Are you thinkin' that those crickets are annoyingly loud?"

"Yeah. I am. I'd sure love to tone 'em down by a mouthful."

"I'm with you, Hub."

"Man ... we got the life eh, Shel? I wonder what the poor people are doing."

"Maybe you should check your newspaper. Page six. Poor People: where are they, and what are they doing?"

"It's just an expression, Shel."

"Are you sure you're a turtle?"

"Are you sure you're a turtle?"

"Why I oughta ... "

Thanks for reading.



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