I'm glad words have meaning.
It would be a little too easy if we were all just running around all day, every day, making noises with our breath, tongue, lips, and teeth, and weren't held accountable for what it was all in reference to.
Well, maybe it wouldn't be easy, but it would be more interpretive to say the least.
Listening back to this entry from the other side of the hump of my first week of the new year, I can see a generous helping of optimistically meaningful words and I'm glad I haven't had to eat any of them.
I talk about how I don't have a license anymore and have to walk almost everywhere.
I talk about how, as a result of the above statement, I had lost five pounds.
I talk about how I've never been a skinny man and that my weight loss issues were on the back burner for the time being.
I talk about how someday, in a few months, If things go as I hope, that I'll be walking to the registry, in a clean shirt, and having my picture taken for my license.
And I talk about how I was very much an aspiring alpha male.
Because of my working at R. Michelson Galleries in Northampton, I had landed a spot on the list to be a subject an interesting photography project entitled, "Who Do You Think You Are?"
The basic premise of which was to adopt the persona of the person you secretly see yourself as being--your "secret self," as it were.
Oh, and you have to do it in front of a very expensive camera, behind which stands one of the more iconic figures in American Television.
Mr. Leonard Nimoy.
Spock.
Mr. Logic.
I chose to embody a persona that I had always felt I'd be good at if I ever got the chance.
I wanted to be a leader; a maverick; a take-charge kind of guy.
I wanted to be an alpha-male.
And that being the case, I of course wore a scoutmaster's outfit.
How strange, I know.
Now I don't know too, too much about psychology. I enjoyed studying it in high school and minoring in it in college (laughs), but that's about the extent of it. And so, I don't know if you can change your personality type or if it's a genetic trait.
All I know is that these days I don't feel as "beta" (or submissive) as I used to.
These days I have what you might call momentum working in my favor, both in time and accomplishments.
These days I kind of see myself as forging a new life for myself in most every way, while keeping a firm grasp on my old one both in tangible forms (pictures, print, and audio), as well as in spirit (sense of humor and optimistic outlook).
These days I have my license back, I'm over a half a year sober, and I have lost sixteen pounds in two months and four days (for those playing along at home, that brings me from a whopping 224 on June 4, to a less whopping 208 today, August 8).
So, while I might still be a beta male at heart, and prefer to follow close behind those who possess leader-like qualities when I really don't know where I'm going ...
... I think I can safely say that when I can see the destination in the distance--regardless of how far it may be--that I can safely say that I'll meet you there.
And I will.
I hope you enjoy what is the second to last installment to my audio series of FBD's first week. To remind you all, these segments were produced by Scot Coar at Sow's Ear Studio in Easthampton, MA back in March. The intro and outro music was written and performed by yours truly, all the other sounds are credited to Mr. Coar.
If you like it, drop me a line and let me know. There's a chance of doing a few more of these. I don't think either of us has the time to do them all, but I'm willing to take some suggestions if anyone has any requests.
And no, I don't know the "Electric Slide." Just figured I'd throw that out there.
Thanks for reading and listening.
F.A.J.
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