Friday, January 11, 2008

Day ten...Is this a joke?

I like getting mail. I always have.

I love the long connected series of people and machines that allow correspondence from afar to arrive in my mailbox me and vice versa.

But this has got to be a joke.

I don't have a license right now and for the time being, I don't have a car.

Subaru apparently likes to poke fun at people like me via the U.S. mail. They send me their magazine.

It's full of smart, useful ideas for your car as well as heralding recent advancements in Subaru technology. It's glossy and well edited. It's called, are you ready for this? It's called 'Drive.'

It's junk mail.

It would only be more ironic if it featured pretty pictures of the new 2008 models of ignition interlock devices. Now that, I'm interested in.

Because I'm going to get my license back not too long from now and I'm going to be able to drive. And I'm going to have to shell out a few hundred bucks for one of these suckers.

For those of you who are smart enough to not drink and drive, and those of you who are still working on getting your second OUI (my first being in 1989), I will explain. An ignition interlock device is a new electronic gadget with a plastic tube that you blow into that makes sure you haven't been drinking. Once you make it past the first security measure you may start your car. Shortly thereafter it will randomly beep and make you do it again while you're driving. Oh my god. As if you weren't nervous enough being on probation and padding your CORI report, now you have to deal with an electronic policeman in your car. A Robocop if you will.

I understand the need for tighter measures to make sure people do not get behind the wheel when they shouldn't, but this is crazy. I'd like to see the percentage of car accidents that occur as a direct result of having to blow into this robo-breathalizer while driving. I bet I wouldn't be able to find out if I tried. I'm sure it's not in my most recent issue of 'Drive'.

I'm not upset. I just need a drink.

But of course that's what got me into this mess in the first place. Illogical thinking.

But logical thinking doesn't just appear out of the blue. No, logical thinking must be accrued using thought processes that we sometimes don't always recognize. It must be earned. It must be paid for with mistakes either by ourselves, or by watching others. And only after we have seen the outcome of illogical thinking can we peel back the dealer's sticker and read the price it came with from the factory. Sometimes that msrp price is a lot higher than we bargained for. But we have to ante up or we must walk away.

And due to my mistakes I must pay what is asked of me by the courts. Due to my mistakes I will soon have to start seeing a probation officer and have an ignition interlock device installed in my car. I will have to bring it to a dealer once a month to have the info downloaded and have it re-calibrated. It will be a huge pain in the ass.

And through this process I will acquire logical thinking. Every annoying hurdle I must jump to regain and retain my driving privileges will remind me how illogical and rash I was.

And like the mail I so love to receive, It will only be via a long connected series of people and machines that I will be able to attain this logical thinking.

Gentlemen...start your ignition interlock devices...

1 comment:

ina said...

Instead of an ignition interlock device, I need a boot-up boot-kick device that prevents me from sitting down to surf these here inter-tubes until I have practiced guitar long enough to kick butt.

It was swell seeing you out the other night. It was a fun show.

I hope all the love that is flowing your way can help lift you up. Do let me know if you want a cheering section on the 23rd.