Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Day two hundred and forty four ... Workin' in Washington.

I had read about it on the website.

It had gotten me more excited than finding a french fry in with my onion rings.

See, I always do my research on the hotels that I'm going to be prospectively staying at well in advance.

But I had never encountered something like this before.

And not only was it unusual in its mere existence, but in its length of availability as well.

And the whole time I was on the bus I had other things on my mind.

It was an enjoyable ride; one with not too much noise, or lack of snacks--these guys know how to pack snacks.

Our bus driver, Wayne, is a seemingly nice guy who will, surprisingly, be with us for the duration, and claims to know the city well. 

We appear to be in good hands.

And all the lack of surprises had made me susceptible to the one that shouldn't have been a surprise at all--because I had gone to sleep dreaming of it.

And then, after an uneventful and painless 9 hour ride it was there--in the lobby of the hotel, without a soul taking advantage of it ... yet ...

Free cookies!
Yes, friends, The Hilton Garden Inn in downtown Washington, D.C. has free cookies in the lobby from 5 until 9 in the evening.

And not only are they cookies ... they are supremely delicious cookies.

Chorus member Pat Ervin knows that free cookies are an almost unthinkable prospect in these tough times, but she believes.

I don't know if the folks in Northampton--the ones, like myself, who don't exactly favor the prospect of a Hilton Garden Inn being plopped down in the middle of our paradise--have this on the proposal. I don't know if the people at Hilton even considered mentioning it.

If I were in charge, and my job was to sweet talk a town like mine into saying yes to a hotel I wanted to put up, the first thing I would do would be to talk up the cookie aspect.

But big business never thinks with its head.

They even have god damned free booze here.

Can a guy even catch a break?

Well, I guess I could hang out here.

Now this chair, the one that looks like it belongs to Spiderman, is a chair made by the world renowned company Herman Miller.

I hear them advertised on NPR a lot.

I felt kind of silly when I looked it up because I couldn't figure out what the deal was that a famous author would start a chair company.

Herman Melville?

Arthur Miller?

I like I said, I felt kind of silly.

And then I stepped into the bathroom.

Dear Hilton Garden Inn, 

This is F. Alex Johnson in room 318. I want to first say how delighted I am with the place. The free cookies are amazing, and the room is spacious, well appointed (albeit lack of view, unless you like cement and ducts), and the staff have been nothing but helpful.

I have one small critique.

This comes from a man who has worked with people with paranoid tendencies. You might even say I have a few, myself.

Why are you looking at me like that?

Anyway, these minor mental issues largely stay kept in check from rigorous, daily observances of the world around me. In this way I can see that I am safe unto myself and that I am in charge of my decisions which ultimately lead me to positive strides in my emotional growth and general well being ...

But if you're going to welcome me and try to impress that I am safe and secure here in this hotel room, please refrain from using quotation marks on your soap and/or other accouterments.

It just make me feel a little weird. 

Now I'm going to go downstairs to the free cookies and make sure they didn't have anything to say to me either.

Thanks for reading.


PS: I'm sure there will be more to talk about tomorrow when we start our performances at the A.A.R.P. festival.

See you then.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Who doesn't like free delicious cookies...
and if you're going to complain about the quotation marks on the soap, tell them you're typographer friend said that those aren't even quotation marks...They're inch marks - quotation marks look like commas. I see you've riled up the nerd in me. Hope your trip is amazing. Take care friend.