I mean, five minutes ago I was sitting lethargically on my bed not really wanting to do anything, and now I am wheeling away at the keypad with my thoughts racing.
Where does it all come from?
I think the better question is: what do I do to better predict when it will come?
This I find to be key in my life right now. I realize that I am a series of hilly roads. I have a car that is relatively safe and gets pretty good gas mileage. It's no sports car for sure. But it's not a clunker either. It gets me where I need to go most days, and it almost always starts for me without too much of a problem.
But it has its issues, and I can never really tell when its going to want to fight me. And I say "fight me" in a general sense of not wanting to do exactly what I have in mind, as it were.
But where does this energy come from?
Well, from my limited knowledge of biology I can surmise that it comes from the brain.
This is an amazing idea--that this gray, bunched-up organ the size of a melon can grant me the ability to jump out of bed, hop in the shower, put on clean clothes, and go out there and get things done.
So, if I have the power to do whatever I feel like doing--within my means--then it stands to reason that I can do absolutely anything.
I just got a chuckle over a little game I'm playing on another website. Nothing important. Just a little fun between friends. But, because of this tiny little diversion, my body filled with energy, my blood started pumping a bit faster, and I smiled at something that pleased both me and those who chose to see it as a fun little game.
Think that's an obsession with minutiae? You may be right. But this is what our worlds are made up of. And it's this kind of attention to detail that is honing my mind, body, and spirit. It's keeping the gears turning. It's keeping my emotions in check. It's reeling in my predictable tendencies.
It's helping me to adapt.
This is the program I have developed over the last year. This is what helps me keep on track.
A ... address the problem.
D ... determine the motivation.
A ... accept the limitations.
P ... predict the tendencies.
T ... transition to a better life.
You see, the human brain can only remember a certain number of details at one time. Twelve steps is way too many. I can only remember a few and certainly not in the correct order.
Just now, I had to count how many letters was in the word "adapt." Why? Because it's not a number. It's a word. And it is common. It makes sense. And what does anybody who has a destructive demon inside them want--be it overeating, gambling, vanity, anything--at the end of the tunnel? They want a sense of sense. An order that is lucid. Something that can gracefully be implemented into our lives in any set of circumstances.
We want something that is a natural act.
Adapting doesn't get any more intuitive.
Expanding on this idea: what is it about a vice that makes it desirable? Well, besides the acquisition of ingredients and a safe place to use (and this, once again, is not subject only to controlled substances. It can be transferred to being a pack rat, a smoker, a gossipmonger, anything) is its effortlessness. It seems to just happen. We like that. I know I like that. So, to effectively implement a program of life changes one needs to incorporate a way of living that seems to flow. And once the adaption method is implemented it should become second nature, not some sort of mantra that needs to be recited, or a meeting that one must attend for fear of failure.
It needs to just happen.
Give yourself more credit.
Believe that you can rise over and above the bad habits that you yourself have woven into the intricate quilt of your life.
Abstinence without understanding is as good as action without aim.
If we have a facet of our lives that we find undesirable and we don't fully understand why we do it in the first place, just saying we're never going to do it again is a setup--its almost a self-dare. And while I'm not saying that I'm going to go back to a life of drink and drugs, what I am saying is that I now understand why I did it in the first place. It makes sense to me. I'm not just saying "I used to do this and it turned my life upside down, so now I'm not going to ever do it again." I'm saying, "I used to do this and it turned my life upside down, and I'm going to figure out why it continued unchecked." And when I figure out why that happened I'll have a better understanding of who I really am underneath it all. Just like there was a flow and a current of thought and inspiration which powered the waterwheel that led me to act in ways that brought me to the edge of madness, I'm going to figure out a way to dig a canal to redirect the water so it flows in a way I desire, to a new camp, to a Utopian village that I am erecting in a part of town that is a little harder to get to but is worth making every effort to equip with the finest and most practical amenities.
And then I won't have to wonder where the energy comes from.
I'll just have to decide where I want it to go.
Thanks for reading.