Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Day one hundred ... The long run.

I get a lot of mail.

I know I've said this before, but it's true.

Receiving mail is a nice reminder that one has a home and is yet not forced to use an alias. At least not one to worry about the police finding out about.

All the way back on Day Ten, I wrote an entry that revolved around the mail I got. I mentioned how Subaru must have a sick sense of humor due to the fact that they keep sending me their magazine called, Drive. I had just lost my license two weeks prior and didn't know very much about my impending fate. All I knew was: I had a picture of my former license snipped in half, I was going to court soon, and I would at the very least have to have an ignition interlock device installed. In that entry I wrote about how it would be great if Drive featured "pretty pictures of the new 2008 models of ignition interlock devices."

What a smart ass.

Well, a mere ninety days later and I'm still receiving Subaru's lovely junk mail magazine.

One was sitting in my mailbox a couple of days ago.

It was accompanied by an envelope with a return address belonging to the RMV which said "Official documents" on it in red type.

I picked it up and felt the weight. It had an uneven heft and one side was firmer than the other, just like when Conde Nast sends me a pre-approved credit card.

Yup, it was the hard copy. The real McCoy. The genuine article.































Look at that kid. In full color, even. How psyched is he. It even gives me an inch and a quarter on my real height. And that little heart on the bottom right may actually come in handy someday for someone if my liver keeps clearing up.

This is the most expensive piece of plastic I own. This beats my Evel Knevel mint condition Stunt Crash-car, my computer, and my record collection all put together.

Because, when all is said and done, and I have had my interlock device in for the full two years, my total expenses for my second offense will have exceeded $6,000 dollars. And that's getting off cheap.

My lawyer got me out of one of the two years of probation that come standard in the 2008 models of DUI's. And that's $65 a month. Not to mention whatever increase I'll experience when my insurance company catches on.

But yes, it came in the same mail delivery as my aptly titled junk-mail magazine from Subaru.

Drive.

It was even more apropos as I had just come back from a drive, actually, when I got it. It was the furthest and the fastest I had traveled since Christmas. To drive 150 miles I ended up having to blow (and hum) into the IID no less than five times.





Two hours later, though, I was sitting in my aunt's driveway.

She lives in beautiful Mattapoisett, MA with her cats and squirrels.














This one's named Mandolin. I think she has a small bird in her mouth. She's very mothering like that, keeping birdy warm and safe. Not to mention, moist.

We spent time talking and enjoying each other's company and then we went out to eat.

Dinner that night was good, but breakfast the next morning was better. We went out after sharing the joy of watching the Young at Heart Chorus on the Today show. There were a few clips of myself and Steve mixed in. It was exciting to watch, to say the least.

I chose the Hungryman breakfast. It was a hard decision to make as they had many fine selections on the menu. Among the many offerings was a Portuguese Eggs Benedict with Linguica (a spicy, Portuguese sausage) as well as something called a "Garbage Omelet." Said omelet featured ham, bacon, sausage, onions, peppers, mushrooms and cheese. Sounds good, I know. If that's what you call garbage, load me up and send me to the landfill. My aunt tried to hide behind the menu upon hearing my very loud laughter over this unfortunately named menu item.

Instead, she is hiding behind these words you are reading at the present moment. In the part of the picture you can't see she has the exact same breakfast I do, except she didn't get the Linguica. She's a vegetarian anyway, she only eats bacon and sausage. Oh well, her loss. The things you miss out on when you're trying to eat healthy.


And this is about twenty minutes later.


No, I don't think I need a doggie bag, but thanks for asking.



We came back and I loaded my car with some groceries my aunt had bought for me.

I hugged her and told her I loved her.

I petted her cats and yelled at the squirrels who were eating the bird seed.

I got in my car and blew into my ignition interlock device.

And I drove home.

Sometimes the simplest of actions have the most complex composition.

Drive, eh?

Yes ... I think I will.



Thanks for reading.

F.A.J.


4 comments:

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Alex, you're such a brat! You know that I took the meat home to feed to the raccoons and foxes in our woods! What will people think! Humph! Aunty

B said...

Where did you eat? Nick's Nest? I spend a week every summer down on Mattapoisett Neck RD. My wife Gretchen's family has been in Mattapoisett for generations.

-Ben

F. Alex Johnson said...

It was Cyd's Creative Kitchen. I think if Cyd was that creative he should have spelled Kitchen with a "C".